Tag: relationship

Date Night

Or Not

Spritzing on the body spray, I take one last look in the full-length mirror. Oh, forgot earrings. Back a few steps and locate the perfect pair to complement my outfit.

Dressing up for a night on the town happens rather rarely in the life of this lady. After 25 years of marriage, what’s the point?

First of all, I like to dress up and go out. Yes, even if it’s just dinner and a movie, I’ll still put on something special and dedicate extra attention to my hair and makeup.

Rewind 30 years. What was all the hype about dates back then? If you say it was about catching a guy, I’m sad for you.

It was an opportunity to get to know each other. Maybe we just wanted to have fun.

In my mind, those dates were an opportunity for a guy to show me that I was valued. He spent time deciding where to go, maybe making reservations. Over dinner, conversation about mutual interests flowed (or if it was all about him, there was no second date).

On the flip side, I showed my appreciation for his efforts by complimenting him. Nerves and expectations juxtaposed to make every moment like skating on thin ice. Who knows what will make it crack? The freeze follows.

I suppose the men don’t want to date us once we’re married because they don’t want the hassle. They ask what we want to do and we say, “Whatever you want is fine with me.”

Thin ice.

I know my husband values me. He washes and vacuums my car and makes sure it’s in perfect running condition. Planning a date night – not so much.

I think we should take the pressure off.  How? Get rid of expectations.

Recently, my husband took me to dinner at a restaurant about 30 minutes from home. I spent 30 minutes or so choosing an outfit, flat-ironing my hair and putting on makeup. Yes, I even added a spritz – or four – of Heavenly and a pair of corresponding earrings.

He threw out two options. I told him to choose. I didn’t bring up the subject again. No expectations. How can he make the wrong choice? Of course, if either of the options were less than appealing, I should have made the decision. If I leave it up to him, I have no recourse. Translation: sit down and shut up.

I suggested a walk around the mall across the street after dinner. It was mostly deserted. We bought two things. The dinner was three times as much as the mall purchases.

After driving home, I threw my sweats on and we watched a movie in our bonus room. I say it was a successful date night. Why? Because we relaxed our expectations for the good of the outing.

We’ve been married for too long for him to have experienced any nervousness. He probably didn’t even consider a good night kiss. Until he was next to me in bed, that is.

Are you a proponent of date nights for committed couples? What suggestions do you have to make them more effortless (without seeming devalued)?

Twenty-five Years of Wedded Bliss

Aren't we a happy couple?
Aren’t we a happy couple?

On May 27, 1988, this poor guy committed his life to me. He vowed to stay beside me in sickness and health. At the same time, I promised to honor, love and obey him.

Twenty-five years later (and it doesn’t seem like it’s been that long), we’re holding onto each other and standing by our covenant.

Sometimes people act like it’s so incredible that we’ve been married for so long. I like to think it’s because I look so young. It’s more likely that they don’t know how Mr. Wonderful has survived without killing me.

I know people who have been married for 60 years. This is why our Silver Anniversary, while certainly a landmark, doesn’t seem like “hard work” to me.

Check back in another twenty-five years. We’ll see if I think the Golden Anniversary is worth raving about.

I don’t mean to demean my marriage. I have the best husband in the world. In fact, he’s so awesome that he presented me with an itinerary for Germany on my anniversary. I had already squabbled with him that $2000 was too much money and I would accompany him on some later trip when it wasn’t so expensive.

Apparently, no. I will leave on June 22 and return on July 3, 2013. This is my official college graduation gift.

See what I mean about Mr. Wonderful? There’s no other woman on earth who has a better husband.

I hope and pray my sons will choose to marry their best friend. I believe founding a marriage on friendship rather than romantic love is essential for longevity.

We all know that the “spark” might not be there every minute of every day. However, when you like someone because you chose them as a friend, all those “mushy feelings” are irrelevant. After all, when a friend needs you, you show up. Why would you offer your life mate anything less?

I hope you take a minute to respond to my poll. I’m interested on gauging the pulse of Americans regarding the idea of “what makes marriage last?”