Why I’m Glad I’m Not a Kid: Part One

Recent trips into the classroom at one public school where I work has inspired a series of blog posts. In fact, it’s reminded me to be thankful I’m not a kid these days.

My main job is to be a writing superhero. My alter ego works as a substitute teacher in local middle and high schools. There are plenty of things there to inspire my creative side, as many blog posts attest.

Unfortunately, all is not magic and unicorns in the realm of public education.

I’ve known this to be true for many years. It’s the main reason I decided NOT to pursue a degree in education when I went back to college in 2010. But in the final weeks of the school year, it was reiterated to me.

Why am I glad I’m not a kid?

Because education in the 21st century is all about meeting regulations and ranking well on state assessments.

Back in my day, school was about learning to read, write, do sums (and other math you never use in real life) in a social environment where you were expected to get along with everyone.

Learning at School?

Isn’t school supposed to be for the purpose of learning?


And not learning how to bully others. Or make excuses for late homework. Or perfect the art of doing as little as possible.

Believe me. Spend a few days in the average public middle school, and you’ll start to wonder.

Who decides what kids are taught in school?

Did you say the teachers? You’re wrong if you did.

Not even the school board has the ultimate power over curriculum.

Nope. Big Brother gets to say what will be taught in school.

Or else.

The fact they require kids to spend weeks and months learning things that do NOT help them understand their culture or prepare them to be an adult isn’t even the worst of it.

It’s not?

High school teachers and counselors in our school district have been heard to say, “Middle school doesn’t really count.”

So, what are they doing there? Why are we wasting six or seven hours of our time hanging out in classrooms?

Every day of school should be preparing kids to be responsible adults. Primary school should focus on the basics of reading. Once they get to third grade, throw in the basics of math. Without those two things, they’re not going to be able to succeed in the upper grades.

Nor will they be able to fill out a job application or make a budget.

Citizenship in School

I’ll be the first parent to tell you that it isn’t the school’s job to teach my kid to be a decent human being. Sorry. If you wait until your kid’s five to start teaching courtesy, discipline and respect, it might be too late.

It is NOT the school’s job to teach my child values or how to treat other people.

School needs to be a safe place to learn the complexities of social interactions.

How do I react if I have to work with a stranger? What if I get stuck with someone I don’t like? What should I do if my teacher doesn’t like me?
And the answer is NOT tell my parents and have them call the school to put me in an ideal situation.

That’s not life. School social settings should prepare kids to face the interactions they will have in the workplace. We’ve all had to work with someone we didn’t know or didn’t like.

I might be the only one who’s ever had a boss that I didn’t get along with, but I’d like to think it’s a common occurrence. And my mom didn’t rescue me from that person because that’s not what being an ADULT is about.

Staff at school should model ideal behaviors, sure. They shouldn’t tolerate bullying. Yes, they should keep kids from beating each other up because school is supposed to be a safe place.

Natural consequences should be allowed to fall on students in cases when it doesn’t mean bodily harm. For example, if you’re late too many times to work, your boss will fire you. There should be consequences for being late to class.

And I don’t want to hear your excuse. You either have a note from an adult…or you don’t. That’s all I need to know.

We’re only hurting the future of our society by failing our students in school. They deserve to learn to read, write and do math, and they should be held accountable for obeying the standard of conduct required in the schoolhouse.

Politics in School

I’m not saying that learning and citizenship don’t happen in schools these days. But those aren’t the priorities.

Government has their fingers in the U.S. educational system, and they like to generate red tape. Schools rely on the government for funding, so they have no choice but to march to the regulatory drumbeat.

Or they can shut their doors.

What happened recently to remind me of politics in school?

A teacher who taught both of my sons and I’ve worked closely with for a decade is transferring to a different position. I didn’t know asking her about it would open a can of worms.

The school has decided to combine language arts and social studies for middle schoolers. This isn’t a new or unusual thing. We had it before when the students could have a humanities block—two class periods for this class.

That isn’t what’s happening. Teachers will be expected to cover the learning goals for both subjects in one hour.

Furthermore, they’ll only receive one day of training on how to do this.

I hope the trainers are handing out Time Turners or some other magical device that will stretch one hour in to two (or ten).

How can students be expected to learn twice as much content in half the time? How can teachers be expected to teach twice as much content in half the time?

The biggest problem I have with this: the school is doing this because of budgetary constraints. They will use fewer staff to teach in this way.
Because money is what education is all about in our world.

I’m sure schools were funded the same way when I was a kid, but there weren’t common core standards and annual state assessments back then.

We went to school to learn how to be a productive citizen of the United States of America. That’s why the founding fathers pushed for public education for all people.

Kids these days are getting the short end of the learning stick. And our country will reap its dues when these under-educated people are running our country in a couple decades.

Are there things you’ve noticed about kids in school that make you grateful to have grown up in an earlier era?

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My Appointment with Dr. Doom

This week hasn’t gone according to plan. And that really shouldn’t surprise any of us. But when someone suggests I need an appointment with Dr. Doom?

Blog posts are born.

If you’re at all interested in the Marvel Comic Universe (and you probably realize I follow it through the films), what comes to your mind when you hear the name Dr. Doom?

Victor Von Doom the supervillain who is the archnemesis of the Fantastic Four.

If you’re not a fan of those comics, maybe you have a totally different thought.

Here are a few of mine:

Just No

There are some names that doctors should not have.

When I was in high school I dated a college guy who wanted to be a doctor.

His last name was Gouge.

As in Doctor-Gouge-out-your-eyes

Just…no.

And a gynecologist named Doom? I’m pretty sure that’s not any better.

I’m in the delivery room, getting ready to push a baby into the world. My doctor isn’t there yet, so the hospital sends out a page.

Over the intercom everyone hears: “Dr. Doom to delivery room four. Dr. Doom your patient is ready to deliver.”

My child is going to be guided into the world by Dr. Doom?

Uh…no.

Rules for Doctor Names

In this world where the government seems to have a say about everything else, I figure we may as well install some rules about names doctors can have.

After all, doctors are healers. They are supposed to inspire a sense of confidence in their patients.

When they step in to the exam room, hold out a hand and say, “I’m Dr. Doom. It’s nice to meet you” that doesn’t exactly happen.

After you banish pictures of Juilan McMahon from your mind (who this woman in front of you obviously is NOT),

your brain starts the chant.

Doom. Doom. Doom.

It’s the drumbeat telling you to escape while you still can.

Tell me, would you want to be treated by Dr. Payne? Dr. Hurt? Dr. Dent? Dr. Fang? Dr. Rash?

Maybe a surgeon named Dr. Skinner would send you screaming from the room. Or Dr. Lynch? Dr. Slaughter? Dr. Kilgore? Dr. Blood?

Some names would make you scratch your head, wondering if it was a sign or portent of things to come. Names like Dr. Kwak, Dr. Stasik, Dr. Gutman or Dr. Lecher.

My Sad Story

I didn’t actually get to meet Dr. Doom. The emergency room physician referred me to her, but she was booked for this week.

I had to see her associate, Dr. Rangle. And no, she didn’t have to wrangle me into the stirrups or hog tie me. Regardless of what her name implies.

Have you ever met a doctor whose name instilled something other than confidence? Share your stories below.

I’m off to Hawaii in the morning, but my blogs will still appear while I’m gone. I promise to fill you in if anything noteworthy happens while I’m basking under the Waikiki sunshine.

But I’m really hoping for an uneventful trip. Wouldn’t want to have to see Dr. Doom when I get back.

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