Tag: no rent

The fine art of double-standard

Hypocrite

High expectations rule in my world. But do I have the right to hold others to the standard? Especially since I so often fall short?

You know what I mean. We have ideals. Things are important to us – and other people should value them, too.

Or should they?

Rewind to my post about wedding traditions.

Was it okay for me to expect people to dress a certain way for the small ceremony? After all, I didn’t feel it was right for someone else to judge me based on what I was wearing.

This double-standard isn’t reserved for special events. We operate in its shadow every day.

A few examples

  • Conservation of natural resources is important – but I drive a gas-guzzling SUV
  • It’s unhealthy not to eat fruits or vegetables at every meal – and I have cheese and crackers
  • Communication is essential to any relationship – but when was the last time I really listened to my sons?
  • Surfing the net or checking Facebook while “on the clock” is the same as stealing from your boss, but I’m taking a break here in my home office

Why this bothers me

I believe in freedom of choice. For everyone. I also believe a true standard of right and wrong exists, and that we’ll all be held accountable for how well we matched it.

I’m not the judge of that standard, however.

Most days I can’t even reach the bottom of its loftiness while standing on tiptoes on the step ladder.

Why do I expect others to measure up?

Is it wrong to have a standard? Or does the problem come when I expect other people to conform to my wishes?

The truth

None of us can measure up to the standard. All of us will mess up at one point or another.

I guess we should give up – stop trying to be a better person. That will solve things.

Better yet, we should lower our standards. That way, everyone measures up.

We talk about acceptance, but we still believe our way is right. Is it wrong to have convictions?

What’s wrong is expecting everyone else to have the same standards we hold. Why should they be accountable for meeting them when we stumbled and fell on our face?

In truth, it’s time for people to do a mirror check. And I despise mirrors. I like to think I’m still young and thin. The mirror tells me otherwise.

It should be the same for our standards. Do we expect others to listen to us, but we don’t listen to them? Are we imposing our dress code and moral code on others?

Can you think of a particular time someone’s double-standard shocked, amazed or angered you?

Wishing for the Empty Nest

Empty nest sign

No matter how I say this, someone will interpret incorrectly (ie. So I look bad). I wish my nest was empty again.

I know, I’ve been so focused on other things this past year, I haven’t mentioned a topic that many of you began following me to read about. You know, life after your children leave.

Perhaps I haven’t been able to post on the subject because I haven’t been experiencing it.

Remember when I was sad about seeing my older son leave for college. Refresh your memory here.

And then my younger son went to college and for some reason things started getting romantic around the house again. Yep, that post is here.

What happened after that?

My oldest son graduated from college.

And moved back in with us.

Oldest Moves In

Rewind to June 2013. It’s a happy day. Our first born son completed four years of college and earned a Bachelor of Science in Computer Software Engineering.

And moved in with us “just until I get a job.”

And proceeded to take the “summer off.” He flew to Vegas to visit a friend, traveled to Idaho to see he girlfriend and took multiple road trips to hang out with college buds.

And the months passed. He applied for a few jobs. Interviewed for even fewer.

Fast forward to January 2014 when he lands a job working for his dad’s former employer (a place he held a summer job several years ago). Hurray!

February he purchases a $20,000 car. He’s paying $1000 per month on his student loans.

When’s he going to move out? Shrug is the answer.

Oldest Moves Out

After two years of marketing it, time comes when our house sells.

“They sold the house out from under me.” Really?

“I wasn’t invited to live in the new house.” True, but we would have allowed it.

Still, isn’t a year of living rent-free (while being gainfully employed) enough time to build up a cushion so you can rent your own place?

That’s March 15, 2015.

New and Empty

Not empty nestOn April 3, we moved into our new home.

Brand. Spanking. New.

It was me, hubs and the two cats. And all the piles of boxes.

But, after a few weeks, things were mostly organized and in their proper places. The new office inspired words galore.

Hubs traveled to China. It was the truly empty nest of silent bliss.

Fast forward to May 2.

Our youngest son graduates from college with a Bachelor of Business Marketing degree.

Youngest Moves In

And moves in to the empty nest.

Suddenly, having college graduates for children doesn’t look so lovely, does it? I mean, that’s the common thread in the return to the empty nest.

Even if the youngest would have had a job, he wanted to live with us (“And get the same deal” his brother got).

Sure. Free is the best price.

He’s saving for a wedding, being married, and setting up an apartment. His reasoning is sound. Savvy even.

But it means my nest is no longer empty. My house has been invaded by people who wonder what’s for dinner. People who mess up my perfectly decorated guest room.

People who cook late night snacks and leave my kitchen looking worse than a plundering tornado would.

And here we are. Do I love my son and his fiancé? Sure. But there are a few things I’m not too thrilled about. Funny thing – the cause complained about the same thing a few months ago.

Come back next week to read more about Being the Thing you Despise in Others.