Dinosaurs: A CIA Fabrication

Before anyone has a complete conniption fit, this post is a fiction submission to the entertaining series promoted on Don Charisma’s blog. It’s an exercise in writing improvisation. I was given a topic and had to create a post.

My topic “Dinosaurs were invented by the CIA to discourage time travel.” I formulated the following press release after doing some research on the founding of the CIA and notable discoveries of dinosaurs in the United States.

New Biography Discloses truth behind Birth of CIA

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE (January 2014) – In her grandfather’s biography, historian Jenny Ontspot reveals the truth behind the creation of the Central intelligence Agency: time travel. The book, Cradle of the CIA, is based on the life of her grandfather John O. Eastwood, Deputy Director to Roscoe Hillenkoetter, the first Director of Central Intelligence (DCI). Ontspot formulates her conclusions and findings on documents (2,641 pages) recently discovered at Eastwood’s estate.

In the chapter entitled: “Dinosaurs: the CIA’s biggest secret,” Ontspot explains and supports these allegations. While supposed bones of dinosaurs had been discovered as early as the 1850s in the United States, the true craze erupted after Edwin H. Colbert made his New Mexican find in 1947. According to Eastwood, Colbert was an early CIA operative, and the artifacts he discovered were clever creations manufactured by scientists, employees of the government. This claim has caused quite an uproar in the scientific community, with renowned paleontologists landing on both sides of the fence. Were dinosaurs an elaborate ruse buried in rock by the CIA?

Ontspot answers the inevitable query of why such an auspicious agency would go to such lengths. Time travel. History reports that the DCI informed Congress the USSR was close to duplicating the atomic bomb. The real intelligence was the discovery of a working time machine. “If the Russians are allowed to travel through time and alter history, all will be lost,” says a report by Agent X.

When the device was secreted out of the USSR, it was taken to a testing site in the US. Scientists experimented and collected data, much of which is shared in the book. “On multiple occasions, scientists transported objects and animals ten minutes into the future,” reported Agent Y. As exciting as this was, a clear and present danger presented itself with successful travel into the past.

After an extensive search (sixteen pages in triplicate), a volunteer was appropriated. He allowed the scientists to send him 50 years into the past. His instructions: find a dated artifact to verify your arrival, secure it, and return. On March 5, 1947, the time traveler arrived with a front page from an 1897 copy of the San Francisco Alta California.

Perplexed and horrified, a study team spent ten days discussing ways to prohibit time travel. Some of their ideas have been employed in more recent years, as discussed in other chapters of Ontspot’s book. The diversionary tactic they determined to pursue in March 1947: create a beast so terrifying that mankind would fear encountering it, and thus abandon all attempts at time travel.

A stamp featuring Colbert and a dinosaur

The first step in their convoluted scheme involved fabricating a radical find of multiple complete dinosaur skeletons in New Mexico. These were found 351 miles from the secret Area 51 by Agent Colbert. After all, Area 51 was designed by Eastwood’s boss, Director Hillenkoetter, who made well-documented assertions that UFOs existed.

Proof of the existence of the time machine remains unconfirmed. However, a report in the substantial file Ontspot used to guide her research addresses this missing link. “To protect mankind from his meddlesome nature, the device has been relocated to an inaccessible storage facility,” stated Agent Z. As always, the time machine is never referred to as other than “the device.”

Other documents reveal this same Agent Z verified the security of said site on several occasions. Ontspot speculates it could be within Area 51 or more likely buried under nuclear test sites with the radioactive byproducts of those warheads.

To get the full scoop, pick up your copy of this newly released certain to be bestseller. Cradle of the CIA is available at your local retailer or online at Amazon.com.

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Clarifications:

Some of this article is based in fact. Colbert did discover a collection of dinosaurs in the summer of 1947 near Albuquerque, NM. Hillenkoetter was the first Director of Central Intelligence and did argue to Congress that the USSR was close to making an atomic bomb. He is also on record for supporting the existence of UFOs. The 1897 newspaper company did, in fact, exist.

All other names, titles and assertions are creative property of the incredible imagination of Sharon Hughson.

4 thoughts on “Dinosaurs: A CIA Fabrication

    1. All in good fun, but it does seem like we humans like to put our noses where they doesn’t really belong while at the same time not tending to the things for which we are truly responsible.

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