At the Mall with Wonder Woman

Welcome to What Would Wonder Woman Do, my new Thursday blog series. Some might claim that Wonder Woman and I are pretty close to the same person.

I mean born in 1966 and all.

But when it comes to shopping, Wonder Woman and I might not do the mall together.

What We Like

This is where WW and I don’t see eye to eye.

I like browsing through all the racks. And if they’re handing out free makeup application lessons, I’m in.

Sure, I’d like to buy into her line, “Why would you cover up your natural beauty?” but I’m not getting any younger.

Even though we both were born in 1966, WW hasn’t aged a day. Those comic writers keep her looking wrinkle-free and lithe.

Or maybe that’s her amazing (Amazonian?) genetics?

It seems we both tend to be from the “get in, get what you need and get out” school of shopping. If I don’t have a list to follow, I will either buy everything that’s on sale or nothing at all.

What We Don’t Like

Manequins. Those things are beyond creepy.

Pushy salespeople who say anything to get you to buy their products. I mean, why choose between Cinnamon and Cranberry? Buy both lipsticks because you’ll get 50 percent off your third item.

Perfume being sprayed in our face. Talk about making me sneeze. Even walking through a cloud of it and the toxicity gives me an instant headache.

Rude people who want to ruin the experience. They can cut you off, slam you with their bags, stomp on your toes or walk up to the register like you haven’t been waiting patiently for your turn.

And then there’s the Parking

I can be directionally challenged.

You know how you can press a button on your key fob and your car chirps? This feature was designed for me. Seriously. Why? Because I have been known to
1. Walk down several rows of vehicles looking for my car
2. Try to open a car that looks like mine but is actually NOT.

In the video, WW uses her Amazonian strength to move the idiot blocking the parking garage. I wish. Believe me laying on the horn doesn’t get the same results.

And you can bet she can find her vehicle without a problem. An invisible jet? And I wander aimlessly like a blind person now.

In short, WW can take me to the mall and handle all the rude people, but I think she’d better wait in the car. Or is that an invisible jet?

How do you picture a Wonder Woman trip to the shopping mall? Or maybe she’s a mega-store sort of shopper.

 

What do you think? Add to the discussion here.